that i would drink way too much vodka, and climb into bed with some hot boi, only to smash boners till we passed out, furthermore to wake up to a ruckus jerk fest i woulda had my doubts……  

“If you’re not careful a bevy of small (possibly gain moth larva) worms will be hurled into your face, mostly in the eyes, like a handful of tiny, putrid, projectiles” oh yeah and try to keep your mouth closed.

“By three in the afternoon you will, want from the very core of your being, to belt that rotten old woman in the mouth”. I would’ve called you a liar.

“The Jawdroppingly gorgeous boi you meet at the homo party tomorrow, the one you immediately peg as the hottest, by far in attendance, will later become a strong contender for your best boyfriend ever”. I wouldn’t have believed you.